Santa's List... Part 1

Dear Santa,
All I want this year for Christmas is plumper, fuller lips. I'm scared of needles and don't want to fall into the "plastic surgery" category and, unfortunately, I was not blessed by the genetic pool of perfect pouts. It looks like I need a miracle.
Can you please help me, Santa?
Signed,
Momentarily Mute

Dear Momentarily Mute,
Although I can't grant you a miracle, nor can I change your genetic make-up, and I can't force you to go under the needle if you're unwilling, I can, however, offer you a fabulous product that will leave you with fuller, fiercer lips. Lip Fusion XL! And exclusively at Sephora, as a Holiday gesture of sorts, you can purchase the "two double ended lip fusion duos," a.k.a. perfect pout, (a combination of color and gloss) for a mere $39.00! Your lips may sting like a pack of bees, but rest assured, your pucker will be very pleased!
Signed,
The Beauty Whore for Santa Clause